In the next part of our story, my scientific career gets its pants pulled down and its butt paddled.
I was going to write a long explanation of all the details of what happened, but I have decided instead on a summary because the details get a little boring and may reveal too much on the internet that could get me into trouble later.
In my previous post called "Anonymity" I described how my work had been obstructed from publication by a single reviewer. The following is a quote from that post which I expanded upon in yesterday's post:
"Do reviewers sometimes personally benefit from preventing another person's publication from getting into print? Absolutely. It will take us about 6 weeks to get through review again. If this guy or a buddy were trying to get something through first, this much time would be enough to "scoop" us. Being first is important. I think this is unlikely in our case. More likely is that this reviewer has published something in this field and our data will reduce the probability that his preferred model is correct."
Today, I tell you that I was wrong. This reviewer was directly obstructing us and this week I found out that I got scooped, and badly so. The reviewer is almost certainly a close collaborator of the person who scooped me. Furthermore, we have reason to believe that the editor may have allowed my paper to be sent to the competitor for an opinion, putting the fate of my paper directly into the hands of the person who had the most to gain by obstructing me. We were given the opportunity to exclude reviewers and we asked that this person be excluded. At the very least, an ethical person would have recused themselves.
Question and answer time:
How do you know that this wasn't a coincidence? I won't ever know for sure. I can narrow down who the reviewer was based on his comments and from that I know what subset of my community he belongs to and it is the same one as my competition. Also, the timing of things is very suspicious. We submitted the same week as my competition and it took 11 weeks to get a review back instead of 3-4. The review arrived the same day that my competitors paper was accepted. All the reviewer had to do was leave it sit on his desk to aid my competitor. Remeber also that reviewer had seen the paper once before. My colleagues who have seen the review agree that it had the general tenor of "Oh, you could handle what I threw at you last time, well I am going to make sure that won't happen again."
If the reviewer and timing were all coincidental, is there still a prolem? Absolutely. The time taken for the review was unreasonable and put me at a big disadvantage. Also, the second opinion we were given without a review is highly unusual and runs counter to everything the peer review process is supposed to be doing. Furthermore, most editors, when confronted with authors who think a review was unreasonable, especially when there is only one real review, will send it out again to someone new for a fresh opinion. The editor is the gate-keeper of the system and in this case this editor and the editor's boss (who we contacted directly) failed to do that job.
What do I do now? We had resubmitted the article to a journal one notch down before discovering that we were scooped. If the reviewers read our paper, and don't yet know about the scooping paper, they may accept it. I think this is pretty unlikely. The new journal could also accept it as long as we comment on the other work and explain any discrepancies, since the results do not overlap perfectly. This is also pretty unlikely since this journal is still high enough impact that it only publishes really new and cutting edge work. Our edge has been considerably dulled. Assuming we are rejected we will rewrite again and submit to a lower impact journal working our way down until someone accepts it. All of the serious scientific matters, and some not so serious ones, were taken care of in response to the original review from Feb. 2005, so the only reason for a journal not to accept it is because we were beat, but like I said yesterday, this can be pretty damning.
How does this negatively impact my career? At the time that I originally submitted the work a year ago, people were saying to me that acceptance to the original journal meant that I could go ahead and skip a post-doc and apply directly for faculty positions. I thought this was overstating the power of being in a high impact journal, but regardless, that opportunity is long and far gone now. Also, this is 6 years worth of work for me that included nearly a year of seperation from my wife to satisfy the reviewer who then obstructed me with the unreasonable review. My technology was used by my competitor to beat me, but no one in biology cares unless you are the first to the big result. From this perspective, it is pretty damaging. Also, I am currently applying for funding that would again boost my CV. Without this paperbeing out and in a high impact journal, my odds of success go down considerably.
Okay, what if the glass is half full? Well, my work was good enough to get me a post-doc in a very good place and I get to live abroad for a while. If things go well here and I get some high impact publications, things will be back on track for a faculty job in a couple of years. While these funding proposals are important, my boss is rather rich in research money and can support the work even if the applications are unsuccessful. My graduate work will still get published somewhere, which is the most important thing. Also, we were not shy about presenting this work at conferences, and while that isn't as important as publication, people in my community know that I was the one to really develop this approach. Because I am looking to return to an engineering college if I decide to continue in academics, being first is a little less important. People in the engineering side of the community are very familiar with me and much less familiar with my competitor. However, my CV could have had the very high impact publication on it that is universally recognized, even in engineering circles, and now it won't.
How often does stuff like this really happen? I don't know, but I am looking into the literature that has studied the peer reveiw system for a future post. This is the second time that it has happened to my advisor since I started grad school. With funding getting cut, though, it will only get worse.
Doesn't that make you want to look for a different career? Absolutely.
Friday, June 30, 2006
Peer review, slight return
Some of you may remeber a recent post titled "Anonymity" about the peer review system for scientific reporting. As I continue to go through this process with the final paper from my graduate work, I am going to return to this topic here on the blog. I am becoming increasingly concerned that this process is broken in a way that unfairly damages careers and also retards the progress of science and I am considering now whether I should be involved in changing it for the better or should be looking for different career paths. So today a little more background on the topic and tomorrow I will get back to my personal story.
Every single person in America is paying the bill for the "world's best science" and we are all also the consumers of that science in the form of healthcare, our food system, nutritional recommendations, exercise recommendations, environment, ecology and all sorts of other technology, not to mention in the education of our children. This hallowed and mysterious process of peer review is how the scientific community defends the quality of its work. When a taxpayer asks, "How do I know that NIH grant money is going for good use? we all say, "because the anonymous peer review process polices the quality of science, rewarding the good and quickly culling the bad." What I hope to show you is that this process employed in a highly competitive research community will certainly lead to abuse and furthermore that this process has the potential to and often delays scientific progress and hence is not achieving the ideal that the scientific community claims.
The first myth I want to dispel is that your average professor at a big research university spends his days in a jacket with elbow patches in deep contemplation between coffee breaks, a long lunch and an afternoon game of chess. The benefits of faculty jobs are more in their flexibility. You know the old expression: you can work any 80 hours a week you choose. Generally, faculty have three large responsiblities: running a research group, funding the research, and teaching. At most universities a faculty member is only paid by the univeristy for the months of the year he teaches, usually what is called the 8 or 9 month salary depending on the academic calendar. For the summer they must pay themselves from their research grants, the same money that pays for the research. As a professor progesses in his career and generates more funding, the university can pressure him to cover more and more of his own salary from grant dollars. Even though they don't teach in the summer, no professor in his right mind would take it off, as this is your chance to make up for all the "unproductive" time spent teaching. I call it unproductive, because teaching is not generally a big part of the evaluation of a professor at a research university. Rather he is evaluated by how many research dollars he can bring in and how many publications he produces. You get a grant by writing a proposal that convinces the reviewers that you have a good idea and that you can actually pull off the proposed work. You convince them, at least in part, by the size of your publication list.
If you want the whole picture, there is one more important matter to discuss: impact factor. A journal's impact factor is a formulaic rating of the importance of publishing there. As you might imagine journals like Science, Nature, JAMA, and Lancet have high impact factors and then you steadily head down into specialty and technical journals before getting to fringe topics. The impact factor is of great importance for career advancement and building your reputation, so everyone is always clamboring to get into these high power journals which have become the false idols of the scientific community.
That sets the stage we walk on in this crazy game. As a professor, nearly your entire job performance is based on your publication record. It is a huge part of the tenure decision and it is necessary for bringing in grant money that will fund your lab and your bank account too. It is also important to have those publications in high impact journals and that means being the first to publish, because if you get beat you can expect your publication to end up in a significantly lower impact journal. Even if you took the time to do it better or more carefully, if you are second you will never get the same credit.
For example, in my field, an important first measurement was done incorrectly, but subtly so. Another guy realized the mistake and did the measurement correctly showing the source of the other guys error. I would even say that for the second guy to pick out this mistake required a flash of real brilliance as it was incredibly subtle. But, 13 years later, the first guy who got it wrong has been referenced 4 fold as much as the second guy who did the measurement elegantly and correctly. The results of the wrong measurement still persist in the most used biochemistry book in higher education.
So we have a highly competitive environment where researchers are grubbing for every penny of funding and that means striving for the highest possible impact publications. Being the second to publish simlar work reduces its value regardless of its quality and high impact publications are necessary to get tenure and funding and to generally advance your career.
Now we return to peer review. If you remeber, the authors of work are not allowed to know the identity of the reviewers handling their manuscript, allowing the reviewer to give their real opinion without the fear of reprisals. The problem is, they can also say anything they damn well please, without fear of reprisals and too often take advantage of the peer review process for selfish goals. But what should we expect? Funding dollars are shrinking and funding requires publications in high impact journals. If a reviewer can slow the progress of a percieved competitor and no one will be the wiser to who he is, why wouldn't he? Typical faculty members are over achievers and over achievers look for every angle for competitive advantage and here is one more opportunity to gain leverage.
It really goes far beyond simply slowing down publication, primarily for two reasons. First, there is another input to the system where reviewers can slow someone down and this can be far more damaging to a career. Generally, grants are reviewed similarly to papers: a couple of colleagues review the grant and give it a score which is then compared to other grants submitted in that area. The grants are ranked and the number that get funded is based on budget constraints. Say a reviewer sees a grant come by his desk. It is from a young faculty member with limited resources because he is just starting his lab, but he has a great idea. The reviewer is a much more established professor and he likes the ideas so much that he gives the grant a bad score and mobilizes his significant resources to do the work himself. By the time the writer of the grant manages to get it resubmitted, the original reviewer has a pile of preliminary data and is submitting a grant himself or may be ready for publication. It is simple intellectual theft and it happens.
Behavior like this can then be amplified by the way the system of grant-reveiw-publish-review-grant functions. You have to have the grants to do anything and you have to publish to get the grants. Delayed publications delay submission of grants while delayed grants can delay publication or lead to getting scooped while stolen ideas can harpoon an entire project. Good researchers diversify their risks to avoid this, and believe me there are plenty more risks to consider since the whole point of research is doing something no one has done before. Sometimes things don't work out the way they were planned or you get held up by equipment failing. For example, few research budgets of any type can afford to replace a $40,000 laser. That requires writing another grant and everything stops while you wait for the money. This sort of risk must be lived with in research, my thesis is that these other risks of idea theft and obstruction which can be just as damning, should not be present at all and the anonymity of the peer review process is what allows this to happen. The process that should be policing research, needs to be policed itself.
We would all like to believe that something in our society is really a meritocracy and if anything should be, research science is it. We should all be gravely concerned that it isn't. How would you feel to know that a therapy you need today was delayed by the ego of a researcher who wanted the credit 10 years ago? While there are many in the community who do behave ethically, they pay a price for it and it only takes a few people at the forefront of a field behaving badly to cause a big problem because of the feedback inherent in building an academic career and the weight carried by the opinions of these supposed luminaries. The result is that the progress of science is slowed directly by obstruction as well as by good researchers leaving in frustration and the fact that funding a lab can become the sole occupation of a professor leaving little time for thinking about actual science.
Tomorrow, my story and some others from close colleagues demonstrating how common unethical behavior has become. Beyond that, I will try to discuss some ideas for changing things and how a few small research communities are making progress by use the of the web. I am also looking into the rigorous research done on the peer review process to see if the anecdotal evidence has been studied.
Every single person in America is paying the bill for the "world's best science" and we are all also the consumers of that science in the form of healthcare, our food system, nutritional recommendations, exercise recommendations, environment, ecology and all sorts of other technology, not to mention in the education of our children. This hallowed and mysterious process of peer review is how the scientific community defends the quality of its work. When a taxpayer asks, "How do I know that NIH grant money is going for good use? we all say, "because the anonymous peer review process polices the quality of science, rewarding the good and quickly culling the bad." What I hope to show you is that this process employed in a highly competitive research community will certainly lead to abuse and furthermore that this process has the potential to and often delays scientific progress and hence is not achieving the ideal that the scientific community claims.
The first myth I want to dispel is that your average professor at a big research university spends his days in a jacket with elbow patches in deep contemplation between coffee breaks, a long lunch and an afternoon game of chess. The benefits of faculty jobs are more in their flexibility. You know the old expression: you can work any 80 hours a week you choose. Generally, faculty have three large responsiblities: running a research group, funding the research, and teaching. At most universities a faculty member is only paid by the univeristy for the months of the year he teaches, usually what is called the 8 or 9 month salary depending on the academic calendar. For the summer they must pay themselves from their research grants, the same money that pays for the research. As a professor progesses in his career and generates more funding, the university can pressure him to cover more and more of his own salary from grant dollars. Even though they don't teach in the summer, no professor in his right mind would take it off, as this is your chance to make up for all the "unproductive" time spent teaching. I call it unproductive, because teaching is not generally a big part of the evaluation of a professor at a research university. Rather he is evaluated by how many research dollars he can bring in and how many publications he produces. You get a grant by writing a proposal that convinces the reviewers that you have a good idea and that you can actually pull off the proposed work. You convince them, at least in part, by the size of your publication list.
If you want the whole picture, there is one more important matter to discuss: impact factor. A journal's impact factor is a formulaic rating of the importance of publishing there. As you might imagine journals like Science, Nature, JAMA, and Lancet have high impact factors and then you steadily head down into specialty and technical journals before getting to fringe topics. The impact factor is of great importance for career advancement and building your reputation, so everyone is always clamboring to get into these high power journals which have become the false idols of the scientific community.
That sets the stage we walk on in this crazy game. As a professor, nearly your entire job performance is based on your publication record. It is a huge part of the tenure decision and it is necessary for bringing in grant money that will fund your lab and your bank account too. It is also important to have those publications in high impact journals and that means being the first to publish, because if you get beat you can expect your publication to end up in a significantly lower impact journal. Even if you took the time to do it better or more carefully, if you are second you will never get the same credit.
For example, in my field, an important first measurement was done incorrectly, but subtly so. Another guy realized the mistake and did the measurement correctly showing the source of the other guys error. I would even say that for the second guy to pick out this mistake required a flash of real brilliance as it was incredibly subtle. But, 13 years later, the first guy who got it wrong has been referenced 4 fold as much as the second guy who did the measurement elegantly and correctly. The results of the wrong measurement still persist in the most used biochemistry book in higher education.
So we have a highly competitive environment where researchers are grubbing for every penny of funding and that means striving for the highest possible impact publications. Being the second to publish simlar work reduces its value regardless of its quality and high impact publications are necessary to get tenure and funding and to generally advance your career.
Now we return to peer review. If you remeber, the authors of work are not allowed to know the identity of the reviewers handling their manuscript, allowing the reviewer to give their real opinion without the fear of reprisals. The problem is, they can also say anything they damn well please, without fear of reprisals and too often take advantage of the peer review process for selfish goals. But what should we expect? Funding dollars are shrinking and funding requires publications in high impact journals. If a reviewer can slow the progress of a percieved competitor and no one will be the wiser to who he is, why wouldn't he? Typical faculty members are over achievers and over achievers look for every angle for competitive advantage and here is one more opportunity to gain leverage.
It really goes far beyond simply slowing down publication, primarily for two reasons. First, there is another input to the system where reviewers can slow someone down and this can be far more damaging to a career. Generally, grants are reviewed similarly to papers: a couple of colleagues review the grant and give it a score which is then compared to other grants submitted in that area. The grants are ranked and the number that get funded is based on budget constraints. Say a reviewer sees a grant come by his desk. It is from a young faculty member with limited resources because he is just starting his lab, but he has a great idea. The reviewer is a much more established professor and he likes the ideas so much that he gives the grant a bad score and mobilizes his significant resources to do the work himself. By the time the writer of the grant manages to get it resubmitted, the original reviewer has a pile of preliminary data and is submitting a grant himself or may be ready for publication. It is simple intellectual theft and it happens.
Behavior like this can then be amplified by the way the system of grant-reveiw-publish-review-grant functions. You have to have the grants to do anything and you have to publish to get the grants. Delayed publications delay submission of grants while delayed grants can delay publication or lead to getting scooped while stolen ideas can harpoon an entire project. Good researchers diversify their risks to avoid this, and believe me there are plenty more risks to consider since the whole point of research is doing something no one has done before. Sometimes things don't work out the way they were planned or you get held up by equipment failing. For example, few research budgets of any type can afford to replace a $40,000 laser. That requires writing another grant and everything stops while you wait for the money. This sort of risk must be lived with in research, my thesis is that these other risks of idea theft and obstruction which can be just as damning, should not be present at all and the anonymity of the peer review process is what allows this to happen. The process that should be policing research, needs to be policed itself.
We would all like to believe that something in our society is really a meritocracy and if anything should be, research science is it. We should all be gravely concerned that it isn't. How would you feel to know that a therapy you need today was delayed by the ego of a researcher who wanted the credit 10 years ago? While there are many in the community who do behave ethically, they pay a price for it and it only takes a few people at the forefront of a field behaving badly to cause a big problem because of the feedback inherent in building an academic career and the weight carried by the opinions of these supposed luminaries. The result is that the progress of science is slowed directly by obstruction as well as by good researchers leaving in frustration and the fact that funding a lab can become the sole occupation of a professor leaving little time for thinking about actual science.
Tomorrow, my story and some others from close colleagues demonstrating how common unethical behavior has become. Beyond that, I will try to discuss some ideas for changing things and how a few small research communities are making progress by use the of the web. I am also looking into the rigorous research done on the peer review process to see if the anecdotal evidence has been studied.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
garden in summer
We finally got some rain here and that combined with the recent heat has really made our garden 
take off. You can compare the view of our shared backyard to that from spring to see how much everything has grown. Our little patch is doing well- our lettuce (or salad, as the plants are called here) has really produced and now is just threatening to bolt. We hope to plant some new seedlings this weekend so we'll have lettuce for the second half of the summer too. The tomatoes are fully out of control, as is the summer squash. So, we're pretty pleased so far with our first attempts at gardening here.
There also seem to be some shared plants in our backyard- a big patch of red currants. I've never encountered fresh currants before, but our neighbor presented us with a big carton of them. We didn't really care to eat them plain as they are sour with several small but hard seeds in each berry. Mom searched for an interesting recipe and found this, which involves a butter cookie crust topped with currants suspended in cornstarch-thicken
ed meringue (we had to use flour). This recipe supposedly comes from Freiberg, which is a German university town near the border with Switzerland. The three of us all liked this cake very much and thought it would be nice made with other types of berries, since it left them very fresh tasting. We also cooked some of the currants down with sugar to make a sauce for ice cream/ yogurt. The other shared plant is a beautiful sweet cherry tree. We noticed several cherry trees around town earlier this summer, but figured they were tart cherries or perhaps some ornamental. Turns out they are all sweet cherries and many of them are just eaten by the birds or falling on the sidewalk- what a travesty! Again our neighbors have generously shared some, but we're not experimenting with recipes as Trey and I both love them and happily eat them as is and in massive quantities. This weekend, we'll offer to do the next round of picking, since it involves climbing up a ladder and, as Trey pointed out, "There's not one person among our neighbors who isn't at least twice my age."
In other outdoorsy news, I finally got Scout to the vet today for some heavy duty tick repellent. The vet informed me that tick season peaks from April to June, then fleas become a problem in July and August, and finally ticks experience a second peak in September! Man, owning a dog over here is awesome. Or possibly we are just more paranoid about it than other dog owners. In the waiting room, another dog owner was pulling ticks off her dog with her bare hands. Not only did I find this yucky, but everything we've read discusses how important it is to remove all the mouth parts of the tick and I don't see how you could do
that by just yanking- those suckers are tenacious! Then the vet told me that the manufacturer's recommended once-a-month reapplication of the repellent was probably too frequent. He said that after 4 weeks we should just check the dog and if we see 1-2 ticks that is okay, but if it's ten or more, we should go ahead and reapply. One or two ticks is okay?! Blecch!
And now, Ellis waving bye-bye!
take off. You can compare the view of our shared backyard to that from spring to see how much everything has grown. Our little patch is doing well- our lettuce (or salad, as the plants are called here) has really produced and now is just threatening to bolt. We hope to plant some new seedlings this weekend so we'll have lettuce for the second half of the summer too. The tomatoes are fully out of control, as is the summer squash. So, we're pretty pleased so far with our first attempts at gardening here.There also seem to be some shared plants in our backyard- a big patch of red currants. I've never encountered fresh currants before, but our neighbor presented us with a big carton of them. We didn't really care to eat them plain as they are sour with several small but hard seeds in each berry. Mom searched for an interesting recipe and found this, which involves a butter cookie crust topped with currants suspended in cornstarch-thicken
ed meringue (we had to use flour). This recipe supposedly comes from Freiberg, which is a German university town near the border with Switzerland. The three of us all liked this cake very much and thought it would be nice made with other types of berries, since it left them very fresh tasting. We also cooked some of the currants down with sugar to make a sauce for ice cream/ yogurt. The other shared plant is a beautiful sweet cherry tree. We noticed several cherry trees around town earlier this summer, but figured they were tart cherries or perhaps some ornamental. Turns out they are all sweet cherries and many of them are just eaten by the birds or falling on the sidewalk- what a travesty! Again our neighbors have generously shared some, but we're not experimenting with recipes as Trey and I both love them and happily eat them as is and in massive quantities. This weekend, we'll offer to do the next round of picking, since it involves climbing up a ladder and, as Trey pointed out, "There's not one person among our neighbors who isn't at least twice my age."In other outdoorsy news, I finally got Scout to the vet today for some heavy duty tick repellent. The vet informed me that tick season peaks from April to June, then fleas become a problem in July and August, and finally ticks experience a second peak in September! Man, owning a dog over here is awesome. Or possibly we are just more paranoid about it than other dog owners. In the waiting room, another dog owner was pulling ticks off her dog with her bare hands. Not only did I find this yucky, but everything we've read discusses how important it is to remove all the mouth parts of the tick and I don't see how you could do
that by just yanking- those suckers are tenacious! Then the vet told me that the manufacturer's recommended once-a-month reapplication of the repellent was probably too frequent. He said that after 4 weeks we should just check the dog and if we see 1-2 ticks that is okay, but if it's ten or more, we should go ahead and reapply. One or two ticks is okay?! Blecch!And now, Ellis waving bye-bye!
Monday, June 26, 2006
G-ma Lise came to town
Well, Ellis is enjoying the visit of his G-ma Lise. Lise seems to be enjoying her visit as well. If he isn't eating, she's almost always holding him.
Ellis is doing well. He has gained 1 lb 12 oz. in his three weeks of life.
Last week Lise generously helped us finish up some of our furnishings here in the apartment with a couple of chairs for the office and some shelves for the front entry among other things. I am finding the new office much more comfortable for both working and rocking the baby. She has also been rocking Ellis and helping us to calm him when he is restless. We think he is having a little gas trouble after eating that is keeping him from settling down after a meal. He has also had a few pressurized spit-ups.
Lise has made some terrific meals which has been a welcome break for us. Tonight: fried chicken, mashed taters, gravy, slaw and homemade biscuits. What a treat for Americans far from home. I don't know how we will manage without her. She seems to think she can't stay though. Her best offer appears to be to take Ellis back to the farm which we, of course, won't go for.
On Saturday, Lise took us to "Baby One", the big baby store here in Heidelberg, for some presents from the great-grand parents. We ended up getting a very good deal on a pretty cool lightweight stroller and a baby carrier that is a cross between a sling and a Baby Bjorn for those of you in the know.
After the shopping we went to Koenigstuhl (literally "king chair") which is the name of the top of the mountain above the castle in Heidelberg (more pics here). Unfortunately, we forgot the camera. You can see the entire Neckar flood plain and much of the oldest part of Heidelberg from the beer garden there where we had a beer and small supplement to our lunch which included a nice plate of "tafelspitz". This dish is made from braised rump roast (we think, it is definitely braised beef, fork tender) but the thing that really makes it what it is, is a sauce made from boiling horseradish in cream. It came with some very nice steamed vegetables, which Rachel liked very much because so often restaurant meals do not include a vegetable other than a salad, which is often nice but gets boring. As with all of the food in retaurants here, the food at Koenigstuhl came to the table so hot that you couldn't eat it.
On Sunday we took a trip to Karlsruhe to see a exhibit of "light art from art lights" which basically meant a big mixed media exhibit with everything tied together with light as the theme. Many of the installations were big black cubes that one walked inside of to experience the exhibits which included items like rotating globes with pin holes in the surface with a light inside. The pin holes were placed in such a way that tremedously complex patterns that looked to flow into each other were produced. Another exhibit lead you in through a darkened tunnel to let your eyes adjust and then you found yourself in a black box, staring into a white box that was lit with carefully chosen parts of the spectrum to create the illusion of tremendous depth in the white box. The effect was truly hypnotic and made one feel that you would fall forever if you hopped into the white part of the box. Seeing the exhibit from the outside one could see that the "abyss" inside was only a few feet deep. We had nice maultaschen at the cafeteria for lunch. They were also served blazing hot.
Today, I had to work, but Rachel took Lise down to the touristy part of town for some shopping and lunch. They seemed to have a nice time and got some presents to bring back to the states, but those are a surprise. Ellis seemed quite happy in his new baby carrier and only fussed a little bit during the whole trip. They accidentally chose a restaurant with American food, but said it was good. Lise had a hamburger that she enjoyed (hard to believe considering the discrepancy between German beef and Maddox farms beef) and Rachel had tacos. All blazing hot, I'm sure.
Ellis is doing well. He has gained 1 lb 12 oz. in his three weeks of life.
Last week Lise generously helped us finish up some of our furnishings here in the apartment with a couple of chairs for the office and some shelves for the front entry among other things. I am finding the new office much more comfortable for both working and rocking the baby. She has also been rocking Ellis and helping us to calm him when he is restless. We think he is having a little gas trouble after eating that is keeping him from settling down after a meal. He has also had a few pressurized spit-ups.Lise has made some terrific meals which has been a welcome break for us. Tonight: fried chicken, mashed taters, gravy, slaw and homemade biscuits. What a treat for Americans far from home. I don't know how we will manage without her. She seems to think she can't stay though. Her best offer appears to be to take Ellis back to the farm which we, of course, won't go for.
On Saturday, Lise took us to "Baby One", the big baby store here in Heidelberg, for some presents from the great-grand parents. We ended up getting a very good deal on a pretty cool lightweight stroller and a baby carrier that is a cross between a sling and a Baby Bjorn for those of you in the know.
After the shopping we went to Koenigstuhl (literally "king chair") which is the name of the top of the mountain above the castle in Heidelberg (more pics here). Unfortunately, we forgot the camera. You can see the entire Neckar flood plain and much of the oldest part of Heidelberg from the beer garden there where we had a beer and small supplement to our lunch which included a nice plate of "tafelspitz". This dish is made from braised rump roast (we think, it is definitely braised beef, fork tender) but the thing that really makes it what it is, is a sauce made from boiling horseradish in cream. It came with some very nice steamed vegetables, which Rachel liked very much because so often restaurant meals do not include a vegetable other than a salad, which is often nice but gets boring. As with all of the food in retaurants here, the food at Koenigstuhl came to the table so hot that you couldn't eat it.
On Sunday we took a trip to Karlsruhe to see a exhibit of "light art from art lights" which basically meant a big mixed media exhibit with everything tied together with light as the theme. Many of the installations were big black cubes that one walked inside of to experience the exhibits which included items like rotating globes with pin holes in the surface with a light inside. The pin holes were placed in such a way that tremedously complex patterns that looked to flow into each other were produced. Another exhibit lead you in through a darkened tunnel to let your eyes adjust and then you found yourself in a black box, staring into a white box that was lit with carefully chosen parts of the spectrum to create the illusion of tremendous depth in the white box. The effect was truly hypnotic and made one feel that you would fall forever if you hopped into the white part of the box. Seeing the exhibit from the outside one could see that the "abyss" inside was only a few feet deep. We had nice maultaschen at the cafeteria for lunch. They were also served blazing hot.
Today, I had to work, but Rachel took Lise down to the touristy part of town for some shopping and lunch. They seemed to have a nice time and got some presents to bring back to the states, but those are a surprise. Ellis seemed quite happy in his new baby carrier and only fussed a little bit during the whole trip. They accidentally chose a restaurant with American food, but said it was good. Lise had a hamburger that she enjoyed (hard to believe considering the discrepancy between German beef and Maddox farms beef) and Rachel had tacos. All blazing hot, I'm sure.
A little song for late nights with Ellis
Hush little baby don't say a word
Papa's got a dog for huntin' birds
And if that huntin' dog won't fetch
I'll get the gloves and we'll play catch
And if your mama still hates sports
We'll play cribbage out on the porch
And if you can't make thirty-one
We'll head up north for the steelhead run
And if the rainbows just won't bite
We'll sit by the fire singin' songs all night
And even if you sing like your old man
You'll be the sweetest baby in the land
And if that huntin' dog won't fetch
I'll get the gloves and we'll play catch
And if your mama still hates sports
We'll play cribbage out on the porch
And if you can't make thirty-one
We'll head up north for the steelhead run
And if the rainbows just won't bite
We'll sit by the fire singin' songs all night
And even if you sing like your old man
You'll be the sweetest baby in the land
Saturday, June 24, 2006
multi-tasking dad
This morning my mom and I walked down to the bakery on the corner to get a few breakfast pastries. Ellis was is a pretty calm mood so we left him in his Moses basket near Trey, who was staying home to work on his research proposal. When we returned, this is what I found:
I asked Trey whether he figured this is how Ellis would be spending most of his infancy. He replied "No, I'll prop him up for the baseball games."
I asked Trey whether he figured this is how Ellis would be spending most of his infancy. He replied "No, I'll prop him up for the baseball games."
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
A whole lot of nothing
Well, for the first time since we started the blog, I am at a loss for what to write about, at least if I want to have a uniform theme through the post.
I have received several comments on the now slightly infamous "Cheese post" as we are calling it here. I wanted to let everyone know that the breakdown in comments is right down gender lines: fathers find it hilarious, moms, not so much.
We are dying for rain here in southern Germany. It has been weeks since a really good soaker came through. We have also been near 90 degrees for two weeks. We have these stone troughs in town that that the mountain streams run down into with the water routed through a spigot. Most everyone here hauls this water to their gardens because it is cheap and they think it is better for the garden. With the lack of rain the water finally ran out yesterday, more or less, and now everyone is in a bit of a panic because the heat boosted folk's gardens and they don't want to lose their nice plants. They all hate to breakdown and use municipal water because of the expense. Our downstairs neighbor is taking care of watering ours for us until we get some rain.
I finally met someone with a dog up in the meadow where Scout gets her exercise. He learned english, more or less, so he could hunt in the U.S, so we have plenty to talk about. He hunts here as well, so I have learned alot about what it really takes to do it here. First you have to have the course, which he says would take me about 18 months to get through and I would have to shell out to join a club to get enough practice shooting. There really isn't public land that you can just walk out on to hunt here. If you want to hunt on public land, you have to rent the privledge from the government and the minimum rental term is 9-12 years! And, you can't sublet it! This guy hunts on private land which is easier because you can strike a deal with the land owner to help control his game. Even then it is expensive. My co-worker spends 2 Euros per round for ammo for his Sharps 45-70 that he only shoots at paper. This guy I talked with said the bird hunting here is in bad shape and most people don't bother, choosing instead to stick to Roe deer and wild boar and then head east if they really want to hunt birds. One interesting thing that this guy did when he was younger was do most of his hunting from horseback which involved training a horse to know when he was preparing to shoot, so that it would hold still, and this was with a rifle for boar. Sounds like I won't be doing any hunting myself because of the timeline or getting the permit and the cost, but it is good to have someone to shoot the shit with.
Other than that, the wheat is changing in the fields near us. Ellis is growing and I am playing him some Johnny cash.
I have received several comments on the now slightly infamous "Cheese post" as we are calling it here. I wanted to let everyone know that the breakdown in comments is right down gender lines: fathers find it hilarious, moms, not so much.
We are dying for rain here in southern Germany. It has been weeks since a really good soaker came through. We have also been near 90 degrees for two weeks. We have these stone troughs in town that that the mountain streams run down into with the water routed through a spigot. Most everyone here hauls this water to their gardens because it is cheap and they think it is better for the garden. With the lack of rain the water finally ran out yesterday, more or less, and now everyone is in a bit of a panic because the heat boosted folk's gardens and they don't want to lose their nice plants. They all hate to breakdown and use municipal water because of the expense. Our downstairs neighbor is taking care of watering ours for us until we get some rain.
I finally met someone with a dog up in the meadow where Scout gets her exercise. He learned english, more or less, so he could hunt in the U.S, so we have plenty to talk about. He hunts here as well, so I have learned alot about what it really takes to do it here. First you have to have the course, which he says would take me about 18 months to get through and I would have to shell out to join a club to get enough practice shooting. There really isn't public land that you can just walk out on to hunt here. If you want to hunt on public land, you have to rent the privledge from the government and the minimum rental term is 9-12 years! And, you can't sublet it! This guy hunts on private land which is easier because you can strike a deal with the land owner to help control his game. Even then it is expensive. My co-worker spends 2 Euros per round for ammo for his Sharps 45-70 that he only shoots at paper. This guy I talked with said the bird hunting here is in bad shape and most people don't bother, choosing instead to stick to Roe deer and wild boar and then head east if they really want to hunt birds. One interesting thing that this guy did when he was younger was do most of his hunting from horseback which involved training a horse to know when he was preparing to shoot, so that it would hold still, and this was with a rifle for boar. Sounds like I won't be doing any hunting myself because of the timeline or getting the permit and the cost, but it is good to have someone to shoot the shit with.
Other than that, the wheat is changing in the fields near us. Ellis is growing and I am playing him some Johnny cash.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
bath day
Well, since Ellis lost his umbilical cord this week, we were able to give him his first bath today. And he only moderately hated it! Notice his expression is one of quiet consternation rather than a scream of outrage. So not too bad.My mom arrived from the States on Friday and came bearing gifts from America for both Ellis and his parents. Hooray! She and my sister Catherine discovered the second hand baby store in Lafayette and bought lots of cute outfits for both Ellis and cousin Silas. The favorite was a tiny little fishing vest. I predict it won't fit until Ellis is 2, but it still looks so miniature! So now Trey and I can begin our discussion about "how old is old enough for fly fishing?" Catherine generously loaned me many DVDs from her extensive collection...excellent for my days of sitting around feeding/ rocking Ellis
to sleep. My sister Lucy also sent a gorgeous cross stitched birth announcement and a boppy. Mom even found room in her suitcase for some baby items from my Aunt Deidre- more oh-so cute outfits and a super soft blanket. To all of you- this may serve as your thank you note... but know how much I appreciate it :)Bridget and Silas headed home on Saturday and Mom accompanied them for a short visit in Ireland. Happily, she'll be back in Germany in just a couple days.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Does anyone else smell cheese?
Well, I am easing into fatherhood. It took all of 24 hours for the grossness of spitup and diapers to recede some. Yet Ellis seems to want to continually improve and set new personal bests in the area of grossness. We knew he would be an over achiever.
A couple of days ago, we realized he smelled a little like cheese, pretty strong cheese in fact. After a moments reflection we realized that he had spit up on his little white outfit several times with us wiping him off in between and that this was the source of the cheesy smell. Time for a new outfit.
Tonight he set a new personal best, by making his papa smell like cheese with a single gargantuan spitup...and he got full bonus credit for doing it in a public place (Thai restaurant) where dad couldn't change. Additional bonus points were awarded for doing it quietly so that dad didn't realize until it soaked in and he felt it and for the fact that he was able to make dad smell like cheese without making himself smell like cheese. In fact he didn't get a drop on himself.
This beats his previous personal best where he managed to slime the sheet on my side of the bed with a puddle the size of a dinner plate, again while getting next to nothing on himself. He has already achieved so much that I fear the next milestone could be long in coming and somewhat demoralizing for him. On the other hand, I think I heard him burp the first three letters of the alphabet this morning. He has two weeks to extend it if he wants to be the youngest ever to make it to "G".
A couple of days ago, we realized he smelled a little like cheese, pretty strong cheese in fact. After a moments reflection we realized that he had spit up on his little white outfit several times with us wiping him off in between and that this was the source of the cheesy smell. Time for a new outfit.
Tonight he set a new personal best, by making his papa smell like cheese with a single gargantuan spitup...and he got full bonus credit for doing it in a public place (Thai restaurant) where dad couldn't change. Additional bonus points were awarded for doing it quietly so that dad didn't realize until it soaked in and he felt it and for the fact that he was able to make dad smell like cheese without making himself smell like cheese. In fact he didn't get a drop on himself.
This beats his previous personal best where he managed to slime the sheet on my side of the bed with a puddle the size of a dinner plate, again while getting next to nothing on himself. He has already achieved so much that I fear the next milestone could be long in coming and somewhat demoralizing for him. On the other hand, I think I heard him burp the first three letters of the alphabet this morning. He has two weeks to extend it if he wants to be the youngest ever to make it to "G".
baby pics and other minutiae
Just wanted to say thanks to everyone who has sent congratulations and good wishes. It's so nice to hear from all of you. 
Everything continues to go well with Ellis. On Monday, he surpassed his birth weight by 200 grams. This wasn't a big surprise since he's been eating like a little piglet- sometimes he actually makes little oinking sounds if he can't get latched on fast enough. I've chosen to think that it's cute and anyway, I'd rather not have to worry about him not getting enough to eat. Here's a picture of his weigh-in. His other achievement this week was getting his belly button on Wednesday.
Not much happening here otherwise. It's been super
hot, but it's finally supposed to rain and cool down tonight. On Tuesday morning, Bridget and I woke up, nursed our respective babies, had breakfast, and then smoked some crack and decided to wall paper the dining room. Okay, we didn't actually smoke crack, the wall paper decision was a very bad one. First, everytime Silas would take a nap, Ellis would wake up to nurse. And when Silas was awake he was helping us by pushing the chairs loudly around the dining room, testing the consistency of the wall paper paste, and trying to climb Bridget's legs. Then
, the wallpapering itself...Now, we both actually have wallpapered before and the wall we were attempting to paper is pretty small and contains basically no architectural features (there was one corner, but no windows, doors, or anything), and the wallpaper didn't even feature a pattern that required any matching. But NOTHING we tried to do worked! The paper was constantly bubbling, wrinkling, and gapping at the 
seams. I don't know if it was the condition of the wall or the fact that we didn't really know how to use the paste or that the paper was shrinking as it dried, but I really can't get over how poor a job we did. And with our typical single mindedness, we just kept going...just because one piece looked terrible didn't stop us from hanging another one. Anyway, you'll all just have to come visit and see it, because I absolutely refuse to publish pictures of the disaster. Here's some pictures of the cuteness of our kids instead.
Everything continues to go well with Ellis. On Monday, he surpassed his birth weight by 200 grams. This wasn't a big surprise since he's been eating like a little piglet- sometimes he actually makes little oinking sounds if he can't get latched on fast enough. I've chosen to think that it's cute and anyway, I'd rather not have to worry about him not getting enough to eat. Here's a picture of his weigh-in. His other achievement this week was getting his belly button on Wednesday.
Not much happening here otherwise. It's been super
hot, but it's finally supposed to rain and cool down tonight. On Tuesday morning, Bridget and I woke up, nursed our respective babies, had breakfast, and then smoked some crack and decided to wall paper the dining room. Okay, we didn't actually smoke crack, the wall paper decision was a very bad one. First, everytime Silas would take a nap, Ellis would wake up to nurse. And when Silas was awake he was helping us by pushing the chairs loudly around the dining room, testing the consistency of the wall paper paste, and trying to climb Bridget's legs. Then
, the wallpapering itself...Now, we both actually have wallpapered before and the wall we were attempting to paper is pretty small and contains basically no architectural features (there was one corner, but no windows, doors, or anything), and the wallpaper didn't even feature a pattern that required any matching. But NOTHING we tried to do worked! The paper was constantly bubbling, wrinkling, and gapping at the 
seams. I don't know if it was the condition of the wall or the fact that we didn't really know how to use the paste or that the paper was shrinking as it dried, but I really can't get over how poor a job we did. And with our typical single mindedness, we just kept going...just because one piece looked terrible didn't stop us from hanging another one. Anyway, you'll all just have to come visit and see it, because I absolutely refuse to publish pictures of the disaster. Here's some pictures of the cuteness of our kids instead.
Monday, June 12, 2006
Ellis's birth story
Well, Ellis is 1 week old today and thought I better try to get this down before all details are totally erased in the post-partum haze...
We had our last doctor's appointment on Friday and were told that the blood pressure and amniotic fluid both looked good and we should expect everything to go well with the birth. The doctor also said he wouldn't look for the baby's arrival "today or tomorrow." No surprise to me since I had yet to feel a single contraction. I don't think I was terribly impatient, but I was beginning to suspect the baby was never coming. Luckily, Bridget, Orrin, and Silas had arrived the day before so I had plenty of good company and activity.
Sometime on late Friday or early Saturday I did start having a little cramping, but didn't think it amounted to much so we went ahead with our site seeing. On Sunday morning, the midwife Diana visited and said everything was still looked fine and that I could wait a couple hours after the contractions were 5 minutes apart and then call her, unless I felt I needed her earlier. Since the contractions were neither regular or strong, we decided to go ahead with our plans to pack a small picnic and visit Schwetzingen Castle Gardens. By the time we headed back, the contractions were getting harder to ignore so I went to bed shortly after we returned and tried to sleep/rest between them. Bridget thoughtfully prepared a dinner of chicken satay, sweet potatoes, and "Labor Salad" (I think it was just green salad-you'll have to ask her for the recipe). Though everything was delicious, I had to force it down a bit, since my appetite was disappearing by this time. Then Trey and I went back upstairs and timed contractions until about eleven. By then, the contractions had been regular for a few hours and Trey wanted to call Diana.
We also decided it would be a good time to move to the downstairs bedroom/guest room where Bridget and Orrin were staying and so be nearer the bathroom and kitchen. So we rudely kicked Orrin and Silas out into the front room, where they later told me they were able to miraculously get some sleep that night. The midwife came and checked my blood pressure and the baby's heart rate and since we both were fine suggested I just keep laboring at home as long as I felt comfortable and she would come back in a few hours or whenever I called. Tragically, she also informed that I was a measly 1 cm dilated. Since we felt we were in for a long night, Bridget agreed to stay up with me and let Trey try to get a little sleep. We were both pretty surprised when he agreed since we figured he'd be too excited, but there wasn't much he could do at that point. The next several hours are kind of a blur. I remember Bridget bringing me watered down apple juice and ice cubes made of raspberry tea, feeling excited that the baby would be here soon, and being glad to have my sister with me and that I would stay home and proceed with our homebirth plans.
By about 4 AM the contractions were getting stronger so we woke up Trey and called the midwife back. I remember starting to finally feel like something was happening as I watched Bridget help Diana spread the plastic sheet on the bed, assemble the birth supplies, and turn up the radiator. I groaned when I saw they were turning up the heat, but Diana reminded me it wasn't for me, but for the person who would be joining us soon. Most of the next hours were also a blur, but this time with more pain. Diana checked my blood pressure and the baby's heart rate regularly- they were fine, but the dilation was proceeding very slowly. I felt like I was fighting for every centimeter. Finally, morning arrived in earnest and I felt for the first time that I'd somehow missed my chance to birth the baby and that things had gone on too long. We all kept going, but later that morning Diana told us that she thought the baby's head was not properly aligned with the cervix (i.e., the narrowest part not presenting) and I should try to labor on my hand and knees to see if we could get it to rotate a bit. If this didn't work, we should think about transferring to the hospital. Diana left Trey and I alone awhile and we decided that it was probably the right time to go, well before anything was an emergency.
We headed to the hospital at about 1PM and I was surprised that it was fully daylight outside. The car ride was absolutely terrible. The contractions were strong and fast now and getting into a comfortable position was impossible. I'd say it took us 3 hours to get there, but I know the drive only takes about 15 minutes. When we arrived, Diana quickly explained what was happening with my labor. The midwives there examined me and had me push with several contractions while they tried to push the last bit of cervix off the baby's head. They hooked me up to a fetal heart rate monitor and determined the baby was still doing fine in response to the contractions. I, however, was not doing so fine in response to the them- the car ride and several internal exams at the hospital had totally destroyed my concentration and I was really exhausted by this point. The midwives had also determined that the contractions were good and strong but the baby was really stuck. They called the doctor who recommended a C-section. A day earlier I would've been devastated by this prospect, but at this point I was just ready for the pain to be over and to have the baby. We opted for general anesthetic since it was faster acting than the spinal block, even though it meant Trey couldn't come in the OR with me.
When I woke up Trey told me we had a healthy baby boy and brought him over to me immediately and was able to nurse. I later learned that Trey had been brought the baby as soon as he was born and was with Ellis while the doctor examined him and the midwives cleaned him up. I remember feeling only overwhelming gratitude for everything- for a perfect, healthy baby, for the experience of laboring at home with wonderful support of Diana, Bridget, Orrin, and Trey, and for the availability of the technology and staff at the hospital that meant that Ellis and I were both okay even though the unexpected had happened.
By the next morning, of course, I was hating life in the hospital (this was a first for me for any reason). In addition to being exhausted from labor, there was all the post-surgical huskiness. Not least of these was the 24 hour post-op diet of zwieback and clear broth...it may seem stupid but after the previous 36 hours of labor and not eating, I was freaking starving! The hospital staff was very nice and supportive and
I had Ellis with me the entire time. Unfortunately, Trey wasn't able to stay in the room with me, so I was lonely and uncomfortable. Happily, Diana was able to us broker an "early release" since my recovery was fairly speedy. Diana has been here everyday since we've been home to make sure Ellis and I are both doing well. I am feeling pretty good and even getting some energy back; Ellis is totally healthy and his limbs are starting to plump up a bit. Bridget's been a great help around the house so Trey and I have been free to do the new parent stuff like watching the microscopic changes in Ellis's facial expression and smelling his head.
We had our last doctor's appointment on Friday and were told that the blood pressure and amniotic fluid both looked good and we should expect everything to go well with the birth. The doctor also said he wouldn't look for the baby's arrival "today or tomorrow." No surprise to me since I had yet to feel a single contraction. I don't think I was terribly impatient, but I was beginning to suspect the baby was never coming. Luckily, Bridget, Orrin, and Silas had arrived the day before so I had plenty of good company and activity.
Sometime on late Friday or early Saturday I did start having a little cramping, but didn't think it amounted to much so we went ahead with our site seeing. On Sunday morning, the midwife Diana visited and said everything was still looked fine and that I could wait a couple hours after the contractions were 5 minutes apart and then call her, unless I felt I needed her earlier. Since the contractions were neither regular or strong, we decided to go ahead with our plans to pack a small picnic and visit Schwetzingen Castle Gardens. By the time we headed back, the contractions were getting harder to ignore so I went to bed shortly after we returned and tried to sleep/rest between them. Bridget thoughtfully prepared a dinner of chicken satay, sweet potatoes, and "Labor Salad" (I think it was just green salad-you'll have to ask her for the recipe). Though everything was delicious, I had to force it down a bit, since my appetite was disappearing by this time. Then Trey and I went back upstairs and timed contractions until about eleven. By then, the contractions had been regular for a few hours and Trey wanted to call Diana.
We also decided it would be a good time to move to the downstairs bedroom/guest room where Bridget and Orrin were staying and so be nearer the bathroom and kitchen. So we rudely kicked Orrin and Silas out into the front room, where they later told me they were able to miraculously get some sleep that night. The midwife came and checked my blood pressure and the baby's heart rate and since we both were fine suggested I just keep laboring at home as long as I felt comfortable and she would come back in a few hours or whenever I called. Tragically, she also informed that I was a measly 1 cm dilated. Since we felt we were in for a long night, Bridget agreed to stay up with me and let Trey try to get a little sleep. We were both pretty surprised when he agreed since we figured he'd be too excited, but there wasn't much he could do at that point. The next several hours are kind of a blur. I remember Bridget bringing me watered down apple juice and ice cubes made of raspberry tea, feeling excited that the baby would be here soon, and being glad to have my sister with me and that I would stay home and proceed with our homebirth plans.
By about 4 AM the contractions were getting stronger so we woke up Trey and called the midwife back. I remember starting to finally feel like something was happening as I watched Bridget help Diana spread the plastic sheet on the bed, assemble the birth supplies, and turn up the radiator. I groaned when I saw they were turning up the heat, but Diana reminded me it wasn't for me, but for the person who would be joining us soon. Most of the next hours were also a blur, but this time with more pain. Diana checked my blood pressure and the baby's heart rate regularly- they were fine, but the dilation was proceeding very slowly. I felt like I was fighting for every centimeter. Finally, morning arrived in earnest and I felt for the first time that I'd somehow missed my chance to birth the baby and that things had gone on too long. We all kept going, but later that morning Diana told us that she thought the baby's head was not properly aligned with the cervix (i.e., the narrowest part not presenting) and I should try to labor on my hand and knees to see if we could get it to rotate a bit. If this didn't work, we should think about transferring to the hospital. Diana left Trey and I alone awhile and we decided that it was probably the right time to go, well before anything was an emergency.
We headed to the hospital at about 1PM and I was surprised that it was fully daylight outside. The car ride was absolutely terrible. The contractions were strong and fast now and getting into a comfortable position was impossible. I'd say it took us 3 hours to get there, but I know the drive only takes about 15 minutes. When we arrived, Diana quickly explained what was happening with my labor. The midwives there examined me and had me push with several contractions while they tried to push the last bit of cervix off the baby's head. They hooked me up to a fetal heart rate monitor and determined the baby was still doing fine in response to the contractions. I, however, was not doing so fine in response to the them- the car ride and several internal exams at the hospital had totally destroyed my concentration and I was really exhausted by this point. The midwives had also determined that the contractions were good and strong but the baby was really stuck. They called the doctor who recommended a C-section. A day earlier I would've been devastated by this prospect, but at this point I was just ready for the pain to be over and to have the baby. We opted for general anesthetic since it was faster acting than the spinal block, even though it meant Trey couldn't come in the OR with me.
When I woke up Trey told me we had a healthy baby boy and brought him over to me immediately and was able to nurse. I later learned that Trey had been brought the baby as soon as he was born and was with Ellis while the doctor examined him and the midwives cleaned him up. I remember feeling only overwhelming gratitude for everything- for a perfect, healthy baby, for the experience of laboring at home with wonderful support of Diana, Bridget, Orrin, and Trey, and for the availability of the technology and staff at the hospital that meant that Ellis and I were both okay even though the unexpected had happened.
By the next morning, of course, I was hating life in the hospital (this was a first for me for any reason). In addition to being exhausted from labor, there was all the post-surgical huskiness. Not least of these was the 24 hour post-op diet of zwieback and clear broth...it may seem stupid but after the previous 36 hours of labor and not eating, I was freaking starving! The hospital staff was very nice and supportive and
I had Ellis with me the entire time. Unfortunately, Trey wasn't able to stay in the room with me, so I was lonely and uncomfortable. Happily, Diana was able to us broker an "early release" since my recovery was fairly speedy. Diana has been here everyday since we've been home to make sure Ellis and I are both doing well. I am feeling pretty good and even getting some energy back; Ellis is totally healthy and his limbs are starting to plump up a bit. Bridget's been a great help around the house so Trey and I have been free to do the new parent stuff like watching the microscopic changes in Ellis's facial expression and smelling his head.
Papa's version
Well, Rachel put up her story and I thought I would add mine while Ellis sleeps next to me on the couch. He is very sweet and far better rested than I am.
As Rachel said, weak contractions started on Saturday and were still so weak Sunday morning that we went to the gardens. Rachel walked more than 2 miles while having a contraction every 10-15 minutes. By the time we got home and she rested a bit the contractions were close to 5 minutes and like a lot of dads I was ready to call the midwife. Rachel talked me out of it and she went on until 11 before we called. Diana came and checked her out and said things were happening, labor was well established and that Rachel could continue on for a while before Diana would be needed.
Rachel and Bridget talked me into going to sleep for a bit. You will have to see their posts for the story of the next two hours. I did hear quite a lot of laughing while I went to sleep. They got me up between 2:30 and 3 am. We waited until almost 5 and called Diana, who came back and stayed for the duration. Rachel was still only at a few centimeters. This was the first time that I started to worry a bit that things weren't progressing. It was hard to tell, though, if contractions were getting harder because Rachel was handling them pretty well. It seemed to me that each time they got worse she would have a couple of bad ones and then find a new position or adjust her breathing and then would be back to a similar place in terms of how apparent the pain was to me.
Rachel continued to labor. We all had our breakfast and took turns having a little break from the labor room, usually with two of the three (me, Bridget, Diana) of us with Rachel. The babies heart rate stayed high and normal and the contractions got as close as 2.5 minutes. Diana checked the dialation again and found that she still had at least a centimeter to go and explained that the last couple required the pressure from the babies head. By 10 am the contractions were in the neighborhood of three minutes and were staying there but the dialation wasn't moving. At this point I was getting pretty worried that things weren't progressing. Rachel had been having contractions since 6 pm the previous day, no sleep and they had been coming 18-25 times an hour for at least a few hours. Rachel however was still in good shape and was breathing through the contractions.
Around noon the midwife finally said the word "hospital". She suggested one more try at getting the baby to move so that it could push on the cervix and if that didn't work it would be time. She thought hands and knees would give it the best chance so Rachel labored leaning on me for another hour or so. We talked about the hospital between contractions and Rachel agreed that it was time to go. At some point in packing everything up to go, the midwife said to me that I should be ready for a cesarian because the contractions were strong but she could feel on her last check that they weren't moving the baby.
We loaded up into the car and Diana followed in hers to Sankt Elisabeth. The ride was pretty terrible. The contractions were getting worse and Rachel couldn't get comfortable at all. By the time we got to the hospital, Rachel was showing the signs of almost 20 hours in labor. She was worn out. I actually ran a red light during a contraction on the way to the hospital. The midwives that worked for the hospital got us into a delivery room quickly and conversed with our midwife while getting a fetal heart rate monitor onto Rachel's belly. They called the doc immediately, and Rachel continued to labor while the midwives tried to get the baby to move. In between contractions, they started to do things to prep for the c-section like putting in a line. One of the midwives spoke only German, so there were a number of things that I understood that Rachel couldn't inlcuding the comment, "It is a pity the baby won't go through the cervix, there is plenty of room after that."
When the doc arrived, he examined Rachel and immediately said we needed a c-section because babies in that position just don't come on their own. We agreed, they gave Rachel something to stop the labor, discussed the anisthetic and initially decided on the epidural before being convinced otherwise by the anisthesiologist. In the end I am very thankful we went with the general. The stuff to stop the labor didn't work and Rachel was having the urge to push. Another half an hour waiting for the epidural to kick in would have been pretty hard. After seeing the anisthsiologist, she went to prepare for the surgery with the obstetrician. Through all of this the baby's heart rate was just fine and Rachel had the strength to walk into the operating room leaning on the midwife. The hospital midwives insisted to the docs that our midwife be allowed in the O.R. even though I was excluded, something I was very thankful for since I didn't know how long the anisthetic would take to kick in and wanted someone there to comfort Rachel.
It was creeping up on 3 pm when they closed the door to the operating room. They told me I could wait there in the delivery room. With Diana in the O.R. with Rachel, I went out to the waiting room and got Bridget and Orrin to join me and keep me company. In about a half an hour, Diana came back in with the baby wrapped in two hospital towels. I asked the gender and she told me to l
ook for myself and that I could hold him right away. As near as I could tell, they had just wiped him off a little bit before bringing him. He was awake and alert right away and I got to hold him for quite some time while they stitched up Rachel and let her wake up. The midwife did a quick exam including weight and length and she shortened the umbilical cord down a little bit. Diana also told me that if I wanted the placenta, we needed to speak now. (We were happy to let it go.) Diana also told me that the baby was really stuck and the doctor needed the midwife's help to free the baby and get him out. All the while, Bridget and Orrin were taking pictures for the blog.
Finally, they wheeled Rachel in, still half asleep. The anisthesiologist roused her a bit and we told her that the baby was a boy and fine. The doctor did another exam of the baby for reflexes and the senses and then we dressed him and he went to to meet Rachel and nurse. We spent close to 3 hours in the delivery/recovery room before she got a regular room. She was starving and they wouldn't let her have anything to eat. Even the next day she got toast and broth. The food was the worst part of the hospital. Otherwise the hospital was pretty good. The midwife/nurse care was very good, the baby stayed with Rachel and the non-english speaking staff were very cooperative with my poor German.
Diana helped Rachel negotiate an early exit from the hospital. Rachel was up and moving the next morning on her own and on the second day one of the nurses told Diana it was like Rachel had never had surgery so they called the doctor and he said she could go home. Rachel jumped at the chance since she wasn't resting at the hospital and the midwife would come everyday anyway. So, Ellis was born Monday afternoon and Rachel came home 48 hours later.
In the end, I am very thankful for everyone who was involved, especially Bridget and Diana. Even though the baby wasn't born at home, I think we had a successful homebirth. People who believe homebirths are dangerous worry about such complications as the baby getting stuck. In our case, all of the things that should have happened to prevent an emergency did: Diana monitored the baby closely and counseled that we go to the hospital long before anything could turn into an emergency, we listened to her, the hospitals midwives were respectful of Diana's position and used the information we gave them and again the hospital made sure we got a decsion made quickly before anything could turn into an emergency. Even though we had to transfer to the hospital, we had a chance to try it at home and everything turned out okay.
And, most importantly we have a healthy little boy.
As Rachel said, weak contractions started on Saturday and were still so weak Sunday morning that we went to the gardens. Rachel walked more than 2 miles while having a contraction every 10-15 minutes. By the time we got home and she rested a bit the contractions were close to 5 minutes and like a lot of dads I was ready to call the midwife. Rachel talked me out of it and she went on until 11 before we called. Diana came and checked her out and said things were happening, labor was well established and that Rachel could continue on for a while before Diana would be needed.
Rachel and Bridget talked me into going to sleep for a bit. You will have to see their posts for the story of the next two hours. I did hear quite a lot of laughing while I went to sleep. They got me up between 2:30 and 3 am. We waited until almost 5 and called Diana, who came back and stayed for the duration. Rachel was still only at a few centimeters. This was the first time that I started to worry a bit that things weren't progressing. It was hard to tell, though, if contractions were getting harder because Rachel was handling them pretty well. It seemed to me that each time they got worse she would have a couple of bad ones and then find a new position or adjust her breathing and then would be back to a similar place in terms of how apparent the pain was to me.
Rachel continued to labor. We all had our breakfast and took turns having a little break from the labor room, usually with two of the three (me, Bridget, Diana) of us with Rachel. The babies heart rate stayed high and normal and the contractions got as close as 2.5 minutes. Diana checked the dialation again and found that she still had at least a centimeter to go and explained that the last couple required the pressure from the babies head. By 10 am the contractions were in the neighborhood of three minutes and were staying there but the dialation wasn't moving. At this point I was getting pretty worried that things weren't progressing. Rachel had been having contractions since 6 pm the previous day, no sleep and they had been coming 18-25 times an hour for at least a few hours. Rachel however was still in good shape and was breathing through the contractions.
Around noon the midwife finally said the word "hospital". She suggested one more try at getting the baby to move so that it could push on the cervix and if that didn't work it would be time. She thought hands and knees would give it the best chance so Rachel labored leaning on me for another hour or so. We talked about the hospital between contractions and Rachel agreed that it was time to go. At some point in packing everything up to go, the midwife said to me that I should be ready for a cesarian because the contractions were strong but she could feel on her last check that they weren't moving the baby.
We loaded up into the car and Diana followed in hers to Sankt Elisabeth. The ride was pretty terrible. The contractions were getting worse and Rachel couldn't get comfortable at all. By the time we got to the hospital, Rachel was showing the signs of almost 20 hours in labor. She was worn out. I actually ran a red light during a contraction on the way to the hospital. The midwives that worked for the hospital got us into a delivery room quickly and conversed with our midwife while getting a fetal heart rate monitor onto Rachel's belly. They called the doc immediately, and Rachel continued to labor while the midwives tried to get the baby to move. In between contractions, they started to do things to prep for the c-section like putting in a line. One of the midwives spoke only German, so there were a number of things that I understood that Rachel couldn't inlcuding the comment, "It is a pity the baby won't go through the cervix, there is plenty of room after that."
When the doc arrived, he examined Rachel and immediately said we needed a c-section because babies in that position just don't come on their own. We agreed, they gave Rachel something to stop the labor, discussed the anisthetic and initially decided on the epidural before being convinced otherwise by the anisthesiologist. In the end I am very thankful we went with the general. The stuff to stop the labor didn't work and Rachel was having the urge to push. Another half an hour waiting for the epidural to kick in would have been pretty hard. After seeing the anisthsiologist, she went to prepare for the surgery with the obstetrician. Through all of this the baby's heart rate was just fine and Rachel had the strength to walk into the operating room leaning on the midwife. The hospital midwives insisted to the docs that our midwife be allowed in the O.R. even though I was excluded, something I was very thankful for since I didn't know how long the anisthetic would take to kick in and wanted someone there to comfort Rachel.
It was creeping up on 3 pm when they closed the door to the operating room. They told me I could wait there in the delivery room. With Diana in the O.R. with Rachel, I went out to the waiting room and got Bridget and Orrin to join me and keep me company. In about a half an hour, Diana came back in with the baby wrapped in two hospital towels. I asked the gender and she told me to l
ook for myself and that I could hold him right away. As near as I could tell, they had just wiped him off a little bit before bringing him. He was awake and alert right away and I got to hold him for quite some time while they stitched up Rachel and let her wake up. The midwife did a quick exam including weight and length and she shortened the umbilical cord down a little bit. Diana also told me that if I wanted the placenta, we needed to speak now. (We were happy to let it go.) Diana also told me that the baby was really stuck and the doctor needed the midwife's help to free the baby and get him out. All the while, Bridget and Orrin were taking pictures for the blog.Finally, they wheeled Rachel in, still half asleep. The anisthesiologist roused her a bit and we told her that the baby was a boy and fine. The doctor did another exam of the baby for reflexes and the senses and then we dressed him and he went to to meet Rachel and nurse. We spent close to 3 hours in the delivery/recovery room before she got a regular room. She was starving and they wouldn't let her have anything to eat. Even the next day she got toast and broth. The food was the worst part of the hospital. Otherwise the hospital was pretty good. The midwife/nurse care was very good, the baby stayed with Rachel and the non-english speaking staff were very cooperative with my poor German.
Diana helped Rachel negotiate an early exit from the hospital. Rachel was up and moving the next morning on her own and on the second day one of the nurses told Diana it was like Rachel had never had surgery so they called the doctor and he said she could go home. Rachel jumped at the chance since she wasn't resting at the hospital and the midwife would come everyday anyway. So, Ellis was born Monday afternoon and Rachel came home 48 hours later.
In the end, I am very thankful for everyone who was involved, especially Bridget and Diana. Even though the baby wasn't born at home, I think we had a successful homebirth. People who believe homebirths are dangerous worry about such complications as the baby getting stuck. In our case, all of the things that should have happened to prevent an emergency did: Diana monitored the baby closely and counseled that we go to the hospital long before anything could turn into an emergency, we listened to her, the hospitals midwives were respectful of Diana's position and used the information we gave them and again the hospital made sure we got a decsion made quickly before anything could turn into an emergency. Even though we had to transfer to the hospital, we had a chance to try it at home and everything turned out okay.
And, most importantly we have a healthy little boy.
Sunday, June 11, 2006
A little baby update
Our communinity here in Bammental had a festival to welcome Ellis. 
Actually, I don't know what the festival was for but we went. It was Ellis's first trip out of the house to see the big wide world. There were 3 live bands in different parts of town, all very loud, and not one of them woke up Ellis in his sling. Silas got to try a slushy, he liked it, and he used a straw successfully for the first time.
Here are a few more pictures of the new addition to the family.
This one is a couple of days old. You can use my hand for scale.
And, here he is meeting his cousin.
Rachel and I are both working on posts recounting the story of the birth from our own perspectives. Look for those in the next few days.
Actually, I don't know what the festival was for but we went. It was Ellis's first trip out of the house to see the big wide world. There were 3 live bands in different parts of town, all very loud, and not one of them woke up Ellis in his sling. Silas got to try a slushy, he liked it, and he used a straw successfully for the first time.Here are a few more pictures of the new addition to the family.
This one is a couple of days old. You can use my hand for scale.
And, here he is meeting his cousin.Rachel and I are both working on posts recounting the story of the birth from our own perspectives. Look for those in the next few days.
Friday, June 09, 2006
nach Hause, zu Hause
On Wednesday, Rachel was allowed to come home from the hospital. The doctor was willing to release her because of her quick recovery. One of the nurses told Diana that Rachel was "walking around like she never had the C-section." I don't know if that is exactly the case, but she is doing very well.
Ellis has one hell of an appetite...but what would you expect. He has asked to put up a dad-style "pie hole" post, but I told him that might be a little too personal for mom and that breast milk is not a peculiar food to Germany.
Anyway, no one wants to hear my musings. Everyone wants more pics. So here you go.
Here he is snoozing at home. We like his little hospital bracelet so much that we haven't taken it off yet.
Here he is with his eyes open. He spends quite a lot of time awake without screaming which means he has been on the webcam awake for the grandmas.
And here he is wrapped up tight by his papa. The midwife at the hospital (Selvi) thought that it was pretty funny and cute that I kept him wrapped up so tight, but she also said it seemed to make him and a lot of other babies happy.
Ellis has one hell of an appetite...but what would you expect. He has asked to put up a dad-style "pie hole" post, but I told him that might be a little too personal for mom and that breast milk is not a peculiar food to Germany.
Anyway, no one wants to hear my musings. Everyone wants more pics. So here you go.
Here he is snoozing at home. We like his little hospital bracelet so much that we haven't taken it off yet.
Here he is with his eyes open. He spends quite a lot of time awake without screaming which means he has been on the webcam awake for the grandmas.
And here he is wrapped up tight by his papa. The midwife at the hospital (Selvi) thought that it was pretty funny and cute that I kept him wrapped up so tight, but she also said it seemed to make him and a lot of other babies happy.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
A small announcement
Or rather a big announcement about something small, our son.
He arrived yesterday at 3:17 pm local time. He is healthy and strong and clearly so is mom after the ordeal of labor. He got stuck and we ended up having a Cesaerian with general anasthesia to save time over the epidural. This meant I had to be in a different room and couldn't be there, but they did allow our midwife to join for the surgery and she brought me the baby about 30 minutes after Rachel disappeared into the operating room. We were concerned about the general affecting him, but he was immediately alert and looking around.
He was 7 lbs. 8 Oz and 20 inches long. He is named Ellis Merle. The first name for Rachel's great grandfather (father's mother's father) and Merle for my "old man next door" who was like a grandfather.
Here he is meeting mom after she woke up:
And here is our midwife, Diana congratulating Rachel:
Diana was tremendously helpful and a big part of making a difficult birth a success.
We will both post more about the the birth of Ellis in coming days including the homebirth experiences as well as the hospital experience. For now I will just say that we were happy with all parts of the experience and all of the professionals involved, especially Diana. Rachel has a longer recovery due to the Cesaerian and will be in the hospital for at least 5 days. For those of you who know her, she is already feisty and hungry so she must be okay.
He arrived yesterday at 3:17 pm local time. He is healthy and strong and clearly so is mom after the ordeal of labor. He got stuck and we ended up having a Cesaerian with general anasthesia to save time over the epidural. This meant I had to be in a different room and couldn't be there, but they did allow our midwife to join for the surgery and she brought me the baby about 30 minutes after Rachel disappeared into the operating room. We were concerned about the general affecting him, but he was immediately alert and looking around.
He was 7 lbs. 8 Oz and 20 inches long. He is named Ellis Merle. The first name for Rachel's great grandfather (father's mother's father) and Merle for my "old man next door" who was like a grandfather.
Here he is meeting mom after she woke up:
And here is our midwife, Diana congratulating Rachel:
Diana was tremendously helpful and a big part of making a difficult birth a success.We will both post more about the the birth of Ellis in coming days including the homebirth experiences as well as the hospital experience. For now I will just say that we were happy with all parts of the experience and all of the professionals involved, especially Diana. Rachel has a longer recovery due to the Cesaerian and will be in the hospital for at least 5 days. For those of you who know her, she is already feisty and hungry so she must be okay.
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Coming to America no time soon
Today we took Bridget, Orrin and Silas to see a live raptor show and the associated mini-zoo at a castle in Burg Guttenberg. The place is a hybrid between a historical site and zoo. For one fee you get to tour the bird cages, see the demonstration with the birds and then go see the castle museum of various antiques including several complete suits of armor. Perhaps even more amazing is that this place is also a private research institute and has bred many birds for subsequent release. The guy who runs it is now somewhat elderly and besides doing two shows a day has made a couple of films and runs the institute. Most of the castle garden is taken up by displays of various birds of prey and vultures. In many parts of the tour the viewer is only seperated from owls, eagles and vultures by a wire mesh fence or in some cases the birds are tied by lanyards to roosts seperated by a log fence from the foot path. This was the first thing that we thought wasn't likely to ever happen in the states. This place was a law suit waiting to happen.
More amazing was the live bird demonstration. In the castle garden they have an open green with sets of bleachers right at the
edge of the cliff where they bring out several of the birds that are trained and let them fly over the crowd just inches over their heads. Unfortunately, the demonstration is in German, mostly, so it was difficult to get all of the information they were telling us but I can say that it was mostly scientifc, taxonomical and conservation oriented. The wife of the guy who collected the birds does most of the talking (a little in English) and a lot of the handling.The show started with several eagles on roosts in the green while the handlers brought out several owls. The owls were the only birds not allowed to fly but they the did show us the differences between snowy owls and european owls. I did understand some of the talk they gave about owls which included a long portion about how owls use their hearing as much as site in hunting and actually can steer their hearing quite a lot. Also, the ears are positioned in the head in a way that aids the owl in determining the direction a sound come from.
Then they put the owls away and brought the eagles out one at a time beginning with the European eagle (one of the symbols of Germany) and then followed with a mature bald eagle, an african sea eagle (in the picture, apparently sitting on my head) and finally a kaiser (imperial) eagle. The handlers let the eagles fly
up to roosts and the railings of the area and they flew between the handlers, encouraged by dead, day old chicks which they usually ate whole or in two pieces. They also let the Bald Eagle catch them out of the air and had a small pool so that the African sea eagle could pluck them from the water as it would a fish. Finally, the wife got out a juvenile bald eagle that she has been training to show us the differences. This bird was obviously less well trained than the others and was not as much of a "show off" as the adult bald eagle who would sore more and position itself so the audience could get a good look.They made a big deal of the fact that these birds are not tamed, just conditioned that they can get easy food from the handlers. They went so far as to say that if returned to the wild, most of them would return to their normal hunting practices. They say this based on the success of birds they have returned to the wild, many of whom were hand fed from a young age. At first I didn't believe this. Things seemed too controlled and choreographed. But as the demonstration went on, it became more obvious that these birds weren't circus animals. They were happy to return to the handlers, but weren't doing it necessarily on command and sometimes were uncooperative.
After the eagles they brought out several vultures. First they demonstrated their capacity to eat, by feeding one of them a whole bone-in drumstick which it ate in one gulp. Even though vultures are a little gross,
these were really the most amazing part of the exhibition. These birds were huge. It was pretty incredible to have a bird with a 10 ft. wing span inches above your head. The castle on the cliff was the perfect setting to watch these birds fly, because the handlers could toss them out off of the cliff and the audience could see them from below, above and head on, which rarely happens in a natural setting. The most interesting thing about this was being in a position where you could really see the bird changing the shape of their wings to generate lift or change direction without flapping.Many times the eagles landed within 2-3 feet of the audience members and no one worried about it. This was the most amazing part. The handlers were pretty serious about making sure that everyone knew to keep their hands down to avoid tempting a bird to land on them, but the birds were often inches away from us. They flew close enough to us that you could feel the breeze from their wings. I just can't imagine how such a thing could happen in the states without someone getting upset about it. If the mini-zoo is a lawsuit waiting to happen I am sure there were at least ten things during the show for a good american to sue over.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Wild times
For those of you who don't read my sister-in-law's blog, you should go and checkout the wild times I am having with my nephew Silas who is here visiting and awaiting the arrival of his cousin. Turns out he is a real party animal. He likes the dark wheat beer especially, much more than the pilsner.
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